If the only way you’ll respect my gender identity is if I lose 100 pounds, start taking testosterone, bind, have short hair, and only wear plain dark slacks and button ups, I will puke on everything you love.


You don’t even have to understand it, bro. All you have to do to get the decent human award is use my preferred pronouns and stop calling me a lady.

But let me break it down for you anyway.

Many folks identify as genderqueer, agender, non-binary, gender variant, gender non-conforming, etc because they do not fit into the rules and regulations of what it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman according to societal standards. 

Yes, to some folks, “genderqueer” has come to be a code word for dead center of masculine and feminine atributes. You’re only seen as “successfully” genderqueer if you’re never “too” masculine or “too” feminine. 

This is problematic, in and of itself, first of all, because we are trying to get the point across that gender is not a binary. No one completely follows every single gender role/expectation of their gender. Our intention is not to simply create a third option. I don’t want to be a part of this power structure in the first place. How is creating a third option—and rules along with it—any less oppressive?

Over and over again, I am told that my gender is not real or that I’m trying to be a special snowflake or that I’m confused or appropriative because

I’m not seen as ~*trans enough*~ in the way that people are used to being able to read “trans.” 

I have also noticed a pattern in that genderqueer folks who were CAFAB are congratulated and celebrated the more masculine they look And that is cissexist and femmephobic AS FUCK. Masculine is seen as “normal” or the baseline and anyone who deviates from that “must be a woman.” No amount of femininity is acceptable within a genderqueer identity if one was CAFAB. The same people who understand and explain that it is fucked that men are shamed for wearing makeup or skirts/dresses, in the very same breath say that I’m not really trans because I sometimes wear those things. It’s hypocritical, clear as day. 

People (trans and cis) see my hips, waist, and tits, (and hear my voice) and believe I must be a woman because they buy into the oppressive cissexist assumption that a body is determinate of gender. This is something I have come to expect from cis people, but from fellow trans people, it just comes off as internalized cissexism that they are acting out onto me because of how they have been treated. There is also a fair amount of sizeism in the trans community and people are generally more willing to misgender genderqueer folks who were CAFAB if they’re fat/have curves. My tits and hips, and whether or not they are visible, have nothing to do with my gender identity. I don’t bind because 1) I can’t breathe when I do (my tits are freakin huge and I’m a smoker), 2) because it’s really bad for your back (and I already have a bad back), and 3) because I just fucking like showing off my body. I don’t take testosterone because 1) it could be dangerous for my blood-pressure since I am a smoker, 2) I like my singing voice and 3) I don’t feel like hormones have anything to do with my gender identity. (Notice how I’m not making any generalizations about YOUR or anyone else’s gender identities. I’m speaking for myself.) 

Do you realize what you’re doing when you, as a fellow trans person, tell me I’m not really trans just because I don’t fit your personal criteria of what you think being trans is supposed to look like? You know how that feels. Why would you EVER think that is okay to say to another human being?

This is not a female body. This is not a male body. It’s mine

[And again, after all this, if you still don’t get it, YOU DON’T HAVE TO. Just don’t be a douche.]

[tw: cissexism/trans* erasure] Seriously:


  • Some trans* people are stealth.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are open about the fact that they’re trans*.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are closeted, or are only out to a handful of people whom they really trust.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people will never come out to their parents.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people do not, or cannot, dress as their actual gender every day.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people still do things that are associated with the gender they were “born” as.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people like the terms transguy/trans-guy or transwoman/trans-woman.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people would rather just be called a guy, or just be called a woman.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people would rather you didn’t call them a guy or a woman.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people use pronouns other than he or she.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are straight; some are gay; some are lesbian; some are bisexual; some are pansexual; some are asexual; some are polysexual; some identify with other sexual orientations.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people have had surgery/surgeries to align their bodies with the gender they identify as, or want to have all the surgeries available to them.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people don’t want any surgery at all.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people want some types of surgery, but not others.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people take, or want to take, hormones.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people won’t ever want to start hormones.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are comfortable with certain areas of their bodies, and some are not at all.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are entirely comfortable with sex.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are not entirely comfortable with all aspects of sex, and some don’t have sex at all.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people come out at comparatively young ages; others may not.
  • And that’s okay. 
  • Some trans* people are butch (although not necessarily “masculine”); some trans* people are femme (although not necessarily “feminine”).
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people experience more (or less) dysphoria than others, or only experience dysphoria in specific areas of their body.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people have known that they were trans* all their lives.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people have only recently realised that they were trans*.
  • And that’s okay.
  • Some trans* people are still trying to figure out who they are.
  • And that’s okay.
  • For every trans* person, being trans* has a different meaning for them, because not everyone who is trans* is the same.
  • And that’s okay.

What is not okay is deciding that it’s your place to judge someone else’s trans* experience - which is apparently not a concept my dash has been able to grasp lately. “If you don’t have bottom dysphoria, you’re not really trans*!” “If you were a real trans* guy, you wouldn’t ever want to paint your nails!” “You don’t present as feminine enough to be a real woman!” “But they’re only fourteen: they can’t possibly know that they’re genderqueer!”

No. Seriously. Shut the fuck up.

There is no right or wrong way to be transgender. No two people are alike: no two trans* people are alike, either, and everyone’s trans* experience is different. The above is by no means a conclusive list, but internalised hate is real, and it’s bullshit. Advice for how to pass/whatever is one thing, but seriously: don’t we hear enough of, “It’s just a phase; you’re not really transgender” and, “You’re not a real *insert your gender here*” from the rest of the world? Do we seriously need to hear that shit from each other, too? Of course we don’t. You do not get to define anyone else’s identity, and neither does anyone else.

Sometimes you gamble and lose: Trans 101


  1. You are human. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with your gender. You are not broken, you are not disgusting, you do not deserve to be hurt.
  2. You’ve been brought up and live in a world that’s designed to…

Relationships are unique. Get over it.

Certain of my friends suggested earlier today that I should give my boyfriend a kiss for Christmas.

Which would have been okay (I guess), except that as the conversation progressed, it started to sound more and more like they thought I owed it to him.

To give background context, both of these friends know about me being gay and trans*. One of them already knew about me being borderline aromantic, and the other was given a quick (albeit not great) summary during the conversation. 

Just to get this clear - I don’t owe anyone anything. 

And the details of my love life (platonic, romantic OR sexual) are actually none of your business. But if I do choose to share things, I’d rather not have them thrown back into my face, regardless of whether or not you meant to do it. 

The insinuation that our relationship has to progress beyond what it currently is because my boyfriend is, no matter where he stands on the gender spectrum, biologically a hot-blooded male? No. Check your damned cis and sexual privilege. Because regardless of how said boyfriend takes the implication that he can’t get by without more romantic/sexual involvement because of genetics, I for one take fucking offence at it. Whether the friend meant it or not, he implied that I didn’t understand the need because I’m not biologically male. 

Yeah. Um. No. 

How about I’m just not comfortable with kissing as a romantic gesture? 

How about six months ago, one of the two friends involved made me promise that my first kiss would be with someone special? And whether my boyfriend is that person or not, I do believe that’s my decision to make and not anybody else’s. Nobody else gets to choose who is special to me. 

As it happens, yes, my boyfriend is special to me. 

That doesn’t mean I want him kissing me. Yes, I get that it’s a sign of endearment or whatever. I get that it’s to show affection. It’s not that I don’t understand what kissing is. It’s that I don’t understand why everybody keeps expecting me to want it, when actually, I’m more comfortable with the idea of sex than I am with the idea of kissing. 

And no, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to fuck my boyfriend before I kiss him. And even if it did, it’d be none of your business. 

Our relationship is our pace to dictate. Not anyone else’s. And if you dare use the argument that there should be compromise, and that if he wants to kiss I should let him? Fuck you. Seriously. Because you don’t know the context, you don’t know what’s already gone on between us or in our individual lives, and, even disregarding that, nobody should ever be in a position in a relationship where their partner is knowingly making them uncomfortable for the sake of their own pleasure. 

Just no. 

[tw: transphobic violence]


Transphobic Murders In 2011 (So Far)

Reana ‘Cheo’ Bustamente
Location: Tegucigalpa, Honduras
Cause of Death: Multiple stab wounds to the chest
Date of Death: January 2, 2011
No age reported

Génesis Briget Makaligton
Location: Comayagüela City, Honduras
Cause of Death: Strangulation
Date of Death: January 7, 2011
Génesis was approximately 23-27 years old.

Krissy Bates Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Cause of Death: Stabbed
Date of Death: January 10, 2011
Krissy was 45 years old.

Fergie Alice Ferg
Location: San Pedro Sula, Honduras
Cause of Death: Shot multiple times in the head and chest
Date of Death: January 18, 2011
No age reported.

Tyra Trent
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Cause of Death: Strangled
Date of Death: February 19, 2011
Tyra was 25 years old.

Priscila Brandão
Location: Belo Horizonte, Brazil
Cause of Death: shot in the head
Date of Death: March 2, 2011
Priscila was 22 years old.

Marcal Camero Tye
Location: Forrest City, Arkansas
Cause of Death: Shot and dragged
Date of Death: March 8, 2011
Marcal was 25 years old.

Shakira Harahap
Location: Taman Lawang, Jakarta, Indonesia
Cause of Death: shot
Date of Death: March 10, 2011
Shakira was 28 years old

Miss Nate Nate (or Née) Eugene Davis
Location: Houston, Texas
Cause of Death: shot
Date of Death: June 13, 2011
Née was 44 years old.

Lashai Mclean
Location: Washington, D.C.
Cause of Death: Shot
Date of Death: July 20, 2011 
Lashai was 23 years old.

Location: Findikzade, Istanbul
Cause of Death: Slit throat
Date of Death: July 31, 2011 
Didem was 26 years old.

Camila Guzman
Location: New York, New York
Cause of Death: Stabbed several times in the back and neck.
Date of Death: August 1, 2011 
Camila was 38 years old.

Location: Jalisco, Mexico
Cause of Death: Beaten and burned.
Date of Death: August 6, 2011
No age has been reported.

Unidentified male-bodied person dressed in women’s clothes
Location: Paris, France
Cause of Death: Stabbed
Date of Death: August 24, 2011 
Zie is estimated to be about 30 years old.

Gaurav Gopalan
Location: Washington, D.C.
Cause of Death; subarachnoid hemorrhage due to blunt-impact head trauma.
Date of Death: September 10, 2011 
Gaurav was 35 years old.

Ramazan Çetin
Location: Gaziantep, Turkey
Cause of Death: Shot to death by her brother.
Date of Death: October 6, 2011 
She was 24 years old.

Shelley Hilliard
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Cause of Death: murdered, her body was decapitated and dismembered then burned.
Date of Death: October 23, 2011 
Shelley was 19 years old.

Jessica Rollon
Location: Bergamo, Italy
Cause of Death: Strangled
Date of Death: October 30, 2011 
Jessica was 32 years old.

Astrid Carolina López Cruz
Location: Madrid, Spain
Cause of Death: Beaten and stabbed
Date of Death: November 4, 2011 
Astrid was 30 years old.

Cassidy Nathan Vickers
Location: Hollywood, California
Cause of Death: Gunshot wound to the chest
Date of Death: November 17, 2011 
Cassidy was 32 years old.

Anna Grodzka Becomes Poland's First Openly Tran sgender Member Of Parliament




Wspaniały.. This is huge, especially when one takes into consideration that Poland is predominantly Catholic and socially conservative compared to many other European countries. The times they are a-changin’.

Those moments where you can say, “Fuck yeah, Poland.”

:D :D :D 

Well done, Poland.